Missing

I had a few other posts in mind, but they will have to keep till later, this one seemed more important. Hopefully I can keep it short and to the point, but it is what it is and needs to be expressed properly.

My not saying I miss you is purposeful, not because I don't, but because I can't deal with that. Whoever you are reading this, you miss me or us, which is at best 3 people. Stop for just a min. and think about all the people I've left behind, it's way more than three. Plus, I have to deal with Evan asking on a pretty regular basis, 'When are we going home to Tacoma?', and how he misses the dog. Seriously, who needs the guilt of a four year old. I only have two people here that I care about and as you all know, you need more than two people to keep you sane, especially when one of them is actually working to drive you insane. Also, you can probably jump in your car just about any time you want and drive to Red Robin, or The Ram, or Target, or (God forbid) Walmart, or any number of a thousand other places. You can run a load of dishes in the dishwasher or have a really good pizza delivered to you door. The list could go on and on forever.

I'm not trying to get you to feel sorry for me. I made this choice, I'm a big girl. I may not have known exactly what it entailed, but I did come here willingly. I'm simply trying to explain why it is that I might not return, and certainly not give a spontaneous, 'I miss you'. If I had to think about all the people, experiences and things that I am missing everyday I would be an emotional puddle on the floor. I have to make it through these next almost four months, and I can't become a basket case now.

This post is my 'I miss you'. You probably won't get another one, so take it while you can get it. You can still say it, but know that I know that you miss me even if you don't. While that may seem conceited, I assume that you keep me in your life because you find something about me redeeming, even if we are family. I know you are in my life because I value you. Why else am I saving you from a burning building if I don't value or find some sort of merit in your life? Why is the building on fire you might ask? How should I know, don't try to figure these things out, you'll hurt yourself.